Apologies, Accountability, Anger, and Affirmation

I suck.

Well, I suck sometimes.

Maybe it’s true that I think that I suck more often then anyone else believes the same, maybe I shouldn’t be as hard on myself, and maybe, just maybe I’ll figure out why I self-sabotage so often, but for today, I’m going to playfully harass myself….

“But why would you do that?”

Simply put, it’s because I’ve lost track of what things have been important to me. Writing has suddenly broken off from being easy and enjoyable to infuriatingly complex and time consuming, the individuals I’ve once trusted are currently digging their own graves, and the entirety of normal actions (those that include every abnormal hitting the fan all at the same time) are all ceasing to be a “Thing” and I’m bored out of my mind with the dull and often unproductive actions of everyday living.

How many times can one person go through the actions of cleaning, eating, and being a social recluse before driving themselves insane?

I’ll likely never know, because it’s the entire event of being absurd that makes my life bearable…. And simply, my current stage of life is becoming mundane.

This can’t be happening. It shouldn’t be happening, as this isn’t what I’ve been cultured into. I NEED something to be weird. NEED crazy to meet me halfway. Hell, I NEED extraordinary to be EVERYDAY with nothing left to imagine.

So, here’s what I’m proposing for myself, the people I’m around, and those individuals who had, for a time, seen my writing as entertaining…

Keep me accountable.

I’m not talking everyday posting (As I literally can’t keep that up right now) but 3 or 4 times a week. Keep me from going insane while also understanding that I can’t go somewhere where I already reside. Challenge me to be better, as I feel I’m not doing a good enough job as is.

=>.<=

The Pandoric Fae Poet

Devin Erebus Faye

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~ by The Fayte Poet on 05/14/2013.

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