Too many days. Not enough words.

It’s been a stupidly long period of time for me to not have written material… And frankly, I’m disappointed in myself for this admittance.

I’ve had too many days with not enough words. Internalizing conflicts to the point of serious physical harm and the manifestations of being literally dead…. Both emotionally and physically. I’ve had moments in the past month where I’ve heard nothing else but the ever shifting internal monologue of a madman, with the exterior stress of a non-profit volunteer with far too much on his plate, and the social status of the only person in a room who sees himself…. All of which have comfortably combined into chaotic calamity.

Suicide attempt # … I’ve lost count.

So really, what does a depressed individual with devastating social anxiety and the mind of a literal genius have to say after such a numbing series of events?

I’m fucking amazing.

No really, I’m badass. The bomb. Overwhelming and amazing. Something worth caring about and looking up to. Inspirational to the point of awe…. Your mouths SHOULD be hanging open.

Why?

Well, It’s because I understand that I’ve failed…. That every great person in the history of humanity has failed. That every single soul with something to say has been the worlds worst fuck up. That nothing but the worst can truly make an individual appreciate the very best. That I’m human…. And like every other person on this planet, I’ve made poor choices, and I’ve suffered from it. More importantly however, I’ve gained knowledge from it. I’ve grown from being smaller to being larger…. Filled with things I shouldn’t do and choices to not make.

Honestly, I’m not going to bash myself for this. I tripped, gotten back up, and that’s the importance of this. That I’ll move forward, determined to make a difference, fighting tooth and nail for things in my life and others lives to be better. Happier. More fulfilling.

If you don’t like that?

Well, you’re always entitled to an opinion, but you’d be weak to admit that constant strength is boon.

These are the moments we survive for. Trauma, depression, out of control things that tear us to pieces…. It gives us time to take away the parts we no longer need.

Enjoy the ability to suffer. Find faith in internal faltering rather then rejoicing in external reason… You’ll never be happy if you listen to anything else but your TRUE inner voice.

Keep that in mind, for  I can PROMISE you, that you’ll make leaps and bounds.

=>.<=

Image

The Pandoric Fae Poet
Devin Erebus Faye

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~ by The Fayte Poet on 05/09/2013.

One Response to “Too many days. Not enough words.”

  1. Oh good-you faced the monster with open eyes and respect for the monster, and found the gold at the bottom of the pit. I hope!

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