Wordy Winter Worry (A Poet’s Faerie Tail)

•01/22/2014 • Leave a Comment

Something I’ve been bouncing around in my head for quite a long time has been the idea of the ever important story of my life… Not just updates or snippets of things I think or believe, but the meat and potatoes  of my very own life, related in such a way as to be reminiscent of “Ye bards of olde”.

As an introduction to these posts, I’d like it to be clear as can possibly be, that these stories are REAL LIFE accounts of what I’ve been through and are therefore, both personal and adult in nature.

I’ve been through several hells that no person should find themselves going through and what you may read may occasionally hit close to home or even disturb you.

You have been warned.

… but snow, snow takes the white icing off the cake for an object carrying multiple intense feelings. See, snow and I go way back… Even to the times I try to believe never happened. My earliest memory of snow comes when I was five. My mother, the ever drinking, sleeping, and then drinking again nightmare that she was, provided a backdrop most insane, when wearily napping off a migraine filled hangover, she left me in-charge of two husky puppies we had at the time. Normally, such an event was an easy and melancholy task, but this particular morning in the snow filled portion of spring, both the huskies and I witnessed the onslaught of what a Colorado blizzard could be. After several freezing minutes in a thin white shirt and young boy boxers, the pups (finished with the fun of romping in snow and relieving their oddly infinite bladders) ran for the door I had just shut to prevent a draft coming into, of all things, A GARAGE (which quite conveniently, connected to the interior of the house) only to find themselves (and poor, frozen, 5 year old, not quite awake, not at all dressed for this sort of weather) ME locked outside. For near on an hour, I pounded and screamed and cried my little lungs to all but silent, hoping and praying for my mother to at least find her fuzzy and irresponsible brain annoyed just enough to come open the door. It was only after another hour of numbing cold, when one of our neighbors came stumbling out of their door with own dogs in tow, did they find me curled up shaking from near hypothermia with the two now quite unhappy frozen puppies, and the cold whiteness of snow nightmare number one did finally end.

Although it’s true that the snow itself couldn’t have prevented such an experience from being so, I still hold every second of that morning close to heart as a reminder of being utterly and completely helpless and frightened, traumatized by a then never ending wall of little flakes both cold and unforgiving.

A Longing For Worth

•10/20/2013 • Leave a Comment

I sat there, tears streaming down my face, frightened and angry, bitter and lonely, afraid to speak.

I wonder if I deserve this. Question my bravery to carry on as the days pass by, all the same.

But I still dream, still fight, still put faith into nothings… A writer without a story.

And it worries me to know that I falter, I fail to achieve these things which lazily float around my dread, I can’t be better, it’s just damned reality.

I wish I was brave… Strong enough to challenge fears, to give myself a better way to understand that this is surviving,this isn’t what life is like, this isn’t what you have earned.

I had hoped for things to change. For my struggles to cease, this thing called living to give me a chance to get onto my feet, and it kills me…. It murders my faith to keep moving from place to place and time to time and to know that I’ve done wonders, lived miracles and I’m still unhappy.

This isn’t what I dreamed to be.

I’m better then this.

Please listen to my pleading. Hear my cries of sorrow and save me.

Love me, hold me, comfort me… I’m frightened.

I need a sign.

Falling Out, Breaking In

•10/12/2013 • Leave a Comment

And you better know now that he’s lyrical,

A poet broke down
hysterical,

When the whole rap scene’s so empirical,

The new blood wonders just how far they’ll fall

The premise coming from a narrow view,

Words all wrong spoken by faulty crews,

You’ve gotta see their’s nothing wrong with you,

Or you’ll just end up being broken and used,

Another Poor soul
Fractured and bruised,

Each breath in
Hollow and cool,

You’ll finally end up a disposable tool

And it’s gotta be clear that he’s lyrical,

A poet speaking out
A bloody miracle,

The crowd growing loud when they hear the call,

As his fresh face goes from not to all,

And again he says that he’ll break their rules,

The wit so sharp it’ll fell the fools,

The next words coming
Crushing the cruel,

As burdens are lifted
revealing a clearer view,

And with those words he’s ready,
Not shaking but steady,
They’ll ponder his heading
And precisely he’ll say it,
He’s standing much taller,
With each line he’s stronger,
The words spoken harder,
As jaws drop in wonder,
He’s got this act conquered,
The sounds of the crowd a new dream to be fathered

And it’s proven out loud that he’s lyrical,

The poet so proud of his spoken call,

When the world hears him they’ll all be enthralled,

His dreams finally fulfilled in a concert hall.

What The Poet Say?

•09/29/2013 • Leave a Comment

Uhmm…. How ya’ll doin’?

Been awhile.

A fair amount of dead time between my last post eh? (Technically I posted something the other day and then privatized it until later this year… Explanation after the intro.)

Maybe you’re wondering what this Empty Poet Fae has been up to?

Maybe not.

Either way, I’ll try and keep this entertaining while semi brief.

Work.

I haz Eet. (I have it)

But, I don’t have a ton of it.  Frankly, It’s a barely fucking livable wage. I’m still homeless… though I DO have a couch to crash on for a month at least.

HOWEVER, before I cause the crowd to scatter at all my negativity, I’d like to impress you all with a itty bitty hint of things to come.

Fish Publishing, Writers Digest, The Bridport Prize, and another publisher I’m horribly failing to remember…

They all have one thing in common.

Poetry written by yours truly AND the contests they are entered in.

That’s write, (Intentional misspelling… I promise ;P) I’ve decided to come out of the many layers of logical fallacy to prove to myself that I have what it takes to make a dent in the world of poetic justice… Or injustice. Or maybe it’s just the poetic community?

In any situation or definition, I’ve put myself (And my hard earned barely enough wage) on the line.

And honestly?

I plan to win. I plan to monopolize on a wonderful life that’s proven to give me enough wisdom to see that good people sometimes have bad experiences, but it’s those same tribulations and trials that prove that they are bigger then they initially believed.

This is my time to shine.

I won’t promise to  be around as much as I would like, won’t tell you I’ll write so many times per week or month… I won’t do so because I’m tired of making promises I can’t keep.

I DO however wish to TRY to do so.

My life is a bit of a mess currently and I’m doing the best I can to even stay afloat.

Please don’t take this as a sign that I don’t miss my time here… I’m just a bit distracted right now and it’s not easy coming back.

I hope all the lovely supporters who have spent time reading up to here understand their importance.

I love you all!

The Currently Debatable Pandoric Fae Poet

Devin Erebus Fay(t)e

Fleeing the Fate Yet Decided

•08/25/2013 • 2 Comments

His heart ached, hollow broken beats with the never-ending nightmare streaming in his dream.

Empty words never uttered, fear slowly falling from his eyes, the tears clouding them from blue to gray.

Please hear my plea as a simple poet lead with empty destiny,

Understand the questions where answers were crushed under the weight of mediocrity.

His undeserving humility, struggle to admit the failure with frail and fragile heresy.

His mind raced, words bound in books yet to be written, he loved, beauty above in clouds had him smitten.

Fairy tale endings to existent reality, conquered mountains with superhuman agility, the wisdom to fall rising from prayers unspoken,

We have earned our place among each other,

Judgement weighty with boons and bane.

Believe in the miracle of events never happening,

Pursue myth and legend as if the very breath was taken from your lungs as if you need challenge to bear witness to greatness.

His soul was void of fate,

Debating nothings while mattered minutes slipped from tightly clenched palms, nails digging into sinew and bone,

The choice you choose is what you decide alone…

Woe won’t exist in these places we own, home is made of risk,

The award finding solitude,

Patience a virtue for the steady heavy hand.

Jaded memories grown in moments never resting,

Testing the borders which you wouldn’t pass…

Truth fragment

Sincerity firm

Emotion hinted

And lessons learned

Along a road yet traveled, A story not written.

=>.<=

The Pandoric Fae Poet

Devin Erebus Faye

Sliced and Diced (Potentially Uncomfortable Content)

•08/01/2013 • Leave a Comment

Guess what?

I made good choices!

Yep, yet again, I broke down in such a way that I scared the begeevus out of everyone who cares about me.

Anybody want to take a guess on what I’m feeling right now?

Frankly, fucking unhappy.

BUT, I can’t let that hinder making headway.

See, my life happens in stages of things that go REALLLLLY wonderful and then those that make me literally facepalm until my head hurts….

Lately, it’s been the former but as of this week, it decided to come by and kick my ass onto the curb (This is both metaphorical and physical)

And here I am…

Barely knowing how to keep my head on (If I wasn’t so afraid of having the universe explode if I actually got it off….) is something in which I’ve not quite got down to an art.

Maybe this time I won’t have a swift kick to the bollocks experience.

Of course, I’m panicking to make sure said pain doesn’t affect my very state of being but the universe does just seem to adore making me a horrible lair.

Truthfully, I have one word to describe all of it.

Whatever.

Really, just… Whatever.

I’ve done this before.

I’ve failed.

I’ll be doing it again.

Maybe, just maybe losing my dignity alongside a fair amount of blood will be a grand enough sacrifice to reverse this terrible curse called “Surviving”

Because honestly?

I just want to fucking live.

=>.<=

The Pandoric Fae Poet
Devin Erebus Faye

(As a never again occuring side-note, I really hate having to edit a post to get WordPress to center my damn posts…)

Someone missed me?

•07/25/2013 • Leave a Comment

Well, someone at least missed my writing. A few days ago (quite likely longer… Out of the loop on the interwebz) one of the individuals who has read some of the posts on this blog left me a very… Uplifting response to how I’ve been not posting and that it’s July.

You good sir, are one hundred percent completely correct.

As is only normal for myself, I’ve been incredibly distracted. Busy beyond mere excuses. I apologize for that.

I do however have to say that if not for all the lacking in keeping up with WordPress some amazing, fantastic, wonderful, exhaustive events may have never occurred.

First off, I am again a legal citizen of my home state of Colorado. Since March of this year I had been coasting on the nice borderline between extreme vagabondism and deserving of something much better. Second, I have glasses again… On that wonderful note, I’ll say that I haven’t had the damned things for the last 8 months.

Talk about a clearer perception on what is directly ahead of you.

And then, we come down to what I’ve been doing creatively…

As a self-proclaimed Never-To-Be visual artist, I’ve been abusing the balls out of visual mediums.

I’ve been recently retaught how to sew, been painting with acrylics, using crayons to make “Spontaneous American Koi”, and all around been visually creating a monster.

“Well then, why haven’t you written?”

Simply, writer’s block.

It’s awful. It’s nonsense. It’s unavoidable.

I’ve been lacking in my poetic nature.

Maybe this isn’t the best way to prove that, but I thought the single individual who kindly bitched me out deserved something…

Hopefully, I’ll find a way to keep this up.

Writing is by far the key to my happiness and as such, I fully expect to find myself being here soon.

My life is coming together folks.

As always, I adore every single one of you.

=>.<=

The Pandoric Fae Poet

Devin Erebus Faye

 
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